|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 24, 2007 19:01:30 GMT -5
[My weakness is, that I care too much.]
So there he was, sitting at the cemetery up in a willow tree all by himself looking down at the grave that belonged to Marissa. She'd been his first love, sure he may have dated before her but he hadn't been serious about it nobody had in junior high. Sure they might have thought so but that wasn't the case. But even then he'd been at the top of the ladder with Sean and Mike at his side. Thomas had been close by but there had been a shy side that stood out then. That was hard to believe now, since Thomas was rather bold and would walk up to a stranger and start telling him his life story. Ok, so maybe he wouldn't do that but it certainly seemed like it. Mike had been the sensible one, he was the one who had keep all of them on the ground and not off chasing some impossible dream. But Mike was gone, he'd been gone since that one cold November night during their sophomore year. Just thinking about the accident that had taken one of his best friends lives made a lump form in his throat. He'd cried for days after that and for a very long time after that he'd just been a shell of a person who wanted to give up everything. The only reason he probably hadn't abandoned sports, his friends and the important things was because he'd had friends who looked after him even though they were hurting too.
Even from his hidden position he could see the long line of graves where Mike's was. He'd spent some time over by it before he knew he had to move away before he broke down. And it would be just his luck for Sean or somebody to come along and find him in the middle of a breakdown. Sure they wouldn't care but he would be really embarrassed. His green eyes moved down to the lone grave underneath the tree. He'd already memorized what was on it.
Marissa Gillman April 11, 1990-August 3rd 2005 Loving sister and daughter
Marissa had just been walking across the street when a car had hit her. It had went right through a red light and at the hospital she died before they could even do anything. He felt tears start to form and for a brief second he let go of his control over his emotions and a few tears slipped out before making their way down his face and hitting the tree branch. A few small sob escaped him before he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He didn't know if there was anybody nearby who could have heard that. "God, if Sean saw me he'd try and get me not to be so upset before going down with me." He whispered before biting his lip he was beginning to feel a little more in control of things and now knew that there would be no more crying today. But he couldn't help but think about what else had happened to the Gillman family. After the death of their oldest, and only daughter the family had just packed up and moved. If it wasn't for him and a few other people her grave would be so overgrown nobody would even know it was here. But he made sure that things were nice and today, he'd picked a couple of wildflowers and placed them near her grave.
"If I would have known we'd only go out for a year I would have did things differently." He said but he knew that nobody could know a thing like that. Besides, Marissa probably wouldn't have wanted anything to go differently. But it still hurt to think about the memories he had with her since it reminded him that there would be no more memories. Even the pictures of her were carefully hidden away in a box underneath the floorboards in the guest bedroom. He then looked up and sighed, perhaps it hadn't been a good idea to come out here, he knew that he always got emotional when he was so close to the graves of the people he loved.
[And our scars remind us, that the past is real]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 24, 2007 20:11:01 GMT -5
Katie'd known marissa since day one....Cheerleading tryouts, katie'd been a bit nervous but marissa was there cheering her on...They'd ended up geting icecream afterwards and talking for hours after that. Katie basically ending up telling her lifestory to the girl. Not many people knew her lifestory. She'd made up some bogus story about living in new york for half her life then moving to paris and then here from there....And with Katies disposition and attitude it truely wasnt hard to believe...so people did. But marissa knew better, she knew the whole deal and that helped katie have someone to confide in.
It was almost the anniversery of the day again.....And katie always tried to stop, she'd bring some flours sometimes a poster board to put nearby or something like that with fun memories and stuff...... Today she brought a boquet of daisies and a cheerleading teddy bear. But as she began to walk through the graveyard she saw someone there....She didnt recognize them at first and thought mabey they were there for someone else, besides they were a distance from her....Katie wasnt into crying much, she rarely did it....She was one of them " keep your spirits up" type of girls and looked at the posative. Whenever anyone brought marissa up she'd go into some halarious story about them or things theyd say theyd do usually making everyone laugh.
But someone was there alright and at marissas grave....She neared gifts in hand, her eyes as bright as ever...Still wearing the same workout clothes she wore at the track today, she'd left her duffel bag in her candy apple red corvette. As she neared she recognized the face and she wasnt sure if it was coincidence but she knew it was awkward Branden? she said walking up towards the grave...She knew the story, everyone knew the story....She almost felt a little bad even about intruding on him like that.
|
|
|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 24, 2007 21:44:37 GMT -5
[It's been a year filled with problems]
He heard another voice and jumped slightly, he had recognized it but he still was a little surprised that somebody else was out here at the same time that he was. It seemed to him that everybody had either forgotten about her or just didn't want to bring her up anymore. He didn't talk about her that much either but there was no way that he'd ever forget her. It seemed as if he thought about her everyday somehow, weather it was because he thought of a place that they went to frequently or about her smile. There was just something about it that no other girl seemed to have. With just one small smile it seemed as if the whole world looked better. She was the one who told him not to be nervous about things such as upcoming games or huge tests and that she knew everything would turn out alright for him. Boy had she been right, but he'd always wondered if she had said that as a confidence booster. But still, it seemed as if she had been correct so far. After all, the newspapers seemed to have the same love affair with him as they had with his older brother. His grades were pretty decent and his parents were happy with them.
"Yeah, it's me I know it's a little odd to see me alone and without any members of my support system with me." He said and then managed to smile weakly. He knew that she would know what he was talking about, his "support system" was his closest friends. Well, and maybe his siblings too but they were not with him all of the time while his friends mostly were. They helped him when he was feeling depressed or was stressed out. And he provided them with a person that they could rant with about things and sometimes, even a shoulder to cry on. That was rare though, since all of them liked to uphold the whole "guys don't cry" thing. In fact, the only time that he probably cried was two days a year. Those two days were very obvious though, the anniversaries of Mike and Marissa's deaths. And one of them was coming up soon and he was not looking forward to how he would feel on that day. But he'd get through it, somehow he would weather it was by just being alone or by talking to somebody.
"If you want to be here alone I can leave if you want." He said as he looked at her and then back down to the grave before sighing. She probably could tell that he wasn't feeling the greatest today but he knew that she had known Marissa too. Which meant that if she really wanted to talk to him about her, he might. Just as long as their conversation stayed away from the accident. His eyes made their way up from the grave and over to what she had brought with her. It looked like they had the same idea, well at least with the flowers. Of course hers had probably been bought at a store while he had hand selected his from a field next to the cemetery. But it was just nice to know that somebody else cared about her enough to actually bring things out here. Although he did know that for some reason Sean wrote notes and brought them out here. Perhaps he didn't come out here that much to notice if anybody else did anything. "It's nice to know that somebody else still cares enough to come out here though." He said quietly and then took a step backward so that she could get closer if she wanted to.
[But now you're here almost as if to solve them]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 24, 2007 22:01:12 GMT -5
A small smile tugged at Katies face as she watched him. She knew how much that he'd cared about marissa and how much she cared about him they'd talked about it often in the past...or marissa had talked, katie had sat nodding and agreeing with a smile on her face. She'd always talked to her about everything......So when she came here it seemed like everything was washing back up shore, back up memory lane....And it all came back, somehow...someway....Katie couldnt remember her math homework, but she could surely remember every word, every secret that marissa told her in her short life. She could only chuckle at a few of the things that she'd remembered...Marissa was as wild and different as katie was and thats probably why they got along so well, so unlike how they did with the rest of their crowd.
Her attention turned babck to branden and her smile only widened. She didnt seem saddened a bit by it all, by being there, by looking at the stone, her bright eyes only sparkled more. as she set the stuff she'd brought down it is she commented grinning i was expecting to see your secret service members jump out at me, and im quite surprised the paparazzi hasnt followed you out here she teased grinning. It wasnt different to see Katie by herself...but even when she was by herself it realy didnt seem like it, there was always someone walking by saying hi, stopping to chat....It wasnt one firm clique...yes she spent most of her time with the rest of the cheer squad and the jocks, but she'd been known to scamper off and work out or do something on her own....just to try to tackle the situation at hand. But it was a bit differnt seing him all alone out here......And he still seemed saddened by it all, she could tell that it hadnt left him...not the memories that SHOULDNT leave, but the sadness that lingered in his facial expression....
She tried to brighten it up a bit and smirked Are you kidding, Marissa loved the limelight the more the merrier she grinned smiling. She'd kept things light and airy about the marissa situation....It wasnt that she'd..put it to the side so she didnt have to deal with the sorrow....she'd just tried desperately to ignore it and focus on all that had happen...she knew one day she'd break down, but she was still chugging along just fine right now... ya.... she replied crossing her arms looking to where she put the stuff small grin tugging at her lips as she bent down and rearranged it to her liking just another little joke of her and marissa's that cheered her up a bit...
|
|
|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 25, 2007 10:17:40 GMT -5
[No other road, no other way]
People had always wondered why it was that he hadn't really dated that much after the death of Marissa. It simply was that there was the fear that had been put into him about not getting that close to somebody again since he didn't want to feel the heartache that he had felt after losing Marissa. That probably was the reason why all of his relationships after hers had only lasted a few months at the most. People always thought that he was perfect, well that was a flaw of his. Not being able to get that close to somebody romantically again. The girls in the school didn't seem to notice this though, since they just kept coming after him and flirting with him until he got sick of it and left. Perhaps they all hoped that they'd be the one who changed things, the one who broke through and got him to absolutely open up to them like he had with Marissa. It wasn't that he compared every single girl to her, it just was that he couldn't get himself to love another girl like he had loved her. Perhaps that would never happen, one thing was for sure though he wasn't going to wait around and see if it did. There was far too much for him to do then sit around waiting for something as silly as that to happen.
"Secret service? Oh yeah, like it's a secret that Sean's almost always around me. And that he's up to date with a ton of facts about me and things that people would die to know." He said and then he managed to increase his smile slightly. Sean had told him that people had tried to bribe things out of him but that he hadn't told anybody a single thing they wanted to know. It amazed him the things that he'd turned town, at least he knew that one person was completely loyal to him anyway. Of course he would hope that the person who he'd known since he was born wouldn't go around telling people secrets that had been shared. Some of them were rather simple ones that people would think were funny. But others, were deeper than that those were the ones that he hoped the world would never find out. Such as how much he blamed himself for Marissa's death. Since the time that she had passed away though, that guilt had died down slightly but it was still there.
"Paparazzi, yeah right football season hasn't even started yet missy. Besides, even at the top of Josh's high school football career they didn't follow him everywhere that he went. Besides, if they followed me out here then I'd just walk on down to the lake and pretend that I was just coming out here to fall asleep down by the lake or something." He said and knew that she probably knew about all of the accomplishments the school's football, basketball and track teams had while his brother had been on them. The name Josh Devereaux was plastered all over the school's trophy cabinets for sports. People had always expected him to be a good as Josh had been and according to some people he was. That was why the track coach had been begging him to join the team ever since he'd started high school. It had never happened though, and it never would. Track was Sean's thing, and he took it very seriously. But he was at every single meet he was there watching him.
"Yeah, she'd probably love it if I brought the entire little league team I'm helping to coach out here. Then again, they probably don't remember her since they are eight to twelve year olds." He said before wondering if he should tell her who he'd discovered was on the team. The last name had sounded very familiar and it hadn't really clicked until a few nights ago. "Do you remember the time that her cousin Kevin was up here? He must have been eight or nine at the time. Well, it turns out that he's on the team and he has got to be the quietest kid on the team." He said and remembered how he always just seemed to go about his business and didn't do anything else. It was a completely different Kevin then the one he'd seen two years ago. That Kevin had been bouncy and lively it made him wonder what had happened. He really hadn't known if Marissa and Kevin had been close since he hadn't really been around while he was up. But just the thought of his whole personality changing because of the loss of his cousin made him sick. He didn't want to bring Marissa up in front of him because he knew how he would get. Perhaps he could get Sean too, yes perhaps he'd be willing enough to bring her name up.
"Which reminds me that I have a game I kind of have to attend in a couple of hours. They're a pretty good team, but at the first practice they were a little rusty and well let's just say I feel sorry for Sean. He must have got hit by about five baseballs." He said and knew that was probably the reason why he'd chosen to simply work with the team in the infield the first day since he knew that there was going to be a very high chance he would get hit. Of course after practice Sean had gotten all of the kids to run at him and the force of all of them hitting him had been enough to knock him over.
[No day but today]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 25, 2007 15:02:47 GMT -5
She grinned listening to him and cheerleading hasnt even started but theres already scouts out looking she informed him...Most people knew thats the one thing that Katie realy cared about in school....She wasnt realy good with her grades, more than once she'd had to get a tutor for after practice to help out before a test or something.... and even then she just slid by with her b average her parents expected that much from her.... But cheerleading was her nitch in life and she got everything about it,....If coach brought up a three sixty degree flip....she knew exactly what to do....if her math teacher told her to draw a three sixty degree circle....she'd look at you with a blank stare
She hadn't known actually that he was teaching little league this year....She'd been to one game last year t watch her boyfriends little brother play....one of the guys from the hockey team...THAT didnt work out for more than a few months. She listened as he spoke again and her brow rose....She'd seen marissas cousin once she didnt remember his name until branden said it but the light kind of clicked on afterwards. wow realy?......i betcha you with you and sean out in the field he'll be chatting your ears off in no time she told him grinning. The two of them could keep a crowd as small as one or as big as a hundred going for hours...
She knew that he was still upset about marissa...who wasnt.But there was something deeper than that, everyone noticed it, no one ever said anything though, and she didnt blame them either.....Everyone knew he was kind of on the " female want list" every girl in school had liked him at one time or another, Katie'd hung out with him while with the rest of the guys but she normally found herself with another random person, from this team or that, every once in a great while like a foreign exchange student or something...She did remember last year dating a volunteer firefighter from a county up but that was as far from jocks as she'd realy ever gotten in dating. But Branden...He went from girl to girl and just never seemed interested...thats what got girls going after him more and more, sorta that "tame the beast" mindset going on she guessed.
Shed watched him though lately especially just kind of sulk around the idea or thought and she knew he wasnt doing any good for himself, he was moving on.......in sports, in grades, years, all that, that was for sure, but part of him seemed to never leave marissa..She looked at him when he talked about the game well im QUITE sure that that'll be very amusing she told him with a grin id pay good money to watch sean get hit with baseballs, but dont tell HIM i said that she said a teasing tone to her voice I think im gonna head out she said looking down to the stone one more time beginning to walk away she stopped turning to him Branden....Marissa always Did talk about how much you cared for her, she said that youd follow her to the ends of the earth.....dont follow her to her grave she said before turning to make her way back to her car...She didnt say it in a bad way, but she hated to watch him let himself linger and in a sad way, not forgetting the accident.....
|
|
|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 25, 2007 16:45:59 GMT -5
[Cry on the couch all the poets come to life]
She was right about that since it was the same way with football. But he just hoped that nobody really noticed him, although it was very hard not to. All they did was just look at his last name and make the connection that he was Josh's younger brother and that got them interested really fast. Everybody on the team knew to leave him alone before a game and that if anybody approached him they'd probably be told to go away. That just was how high his nerves were before something, and there only was two people that were about to actually get him to calm down enough so that he didn't rip somebody's head off. His older brother and Sean, Mike had been able to do that too but Mike was gone. He was really glad that Katie hadn't mention him because he really would have started crying. Losing Marissa had been hard enough on him but losing Mike had left him up in his room for two days not wanting to see anybody.
He really hoped that happened with Kevin, but he'd already tried really talking to him. And also getting his younger cousin (who actually looked more like Sean then any Devereaux he'd ever met) to really talk to him but nothing had worked so far. Oh sure he would speak to people but it always felt like Kevin wasn't really in the conversation. Actually, it kind of reminded him of how he dated people nowadays. He'd date people but he wasn't really into it like the girls were. Sure at proms and homecomings the girl would prance around and showing off like he was some type of expensive arm ornament but he just put up with it and moved on. "I've already tried that method but he'll just say a couple of things before growing silent. But my god, he's a brilliant baseball player it's like he has a sixth sense for it. Of course, maybe it's because all of the other teams don't know what's coming when they face up against the Twin Lakes team." He said and knew that might be it, but it also might be that Kevin had been introduced to baseball at a younger age then most other people had.
"If you think that's amusing then picture this Sean trying to teach them the proper way to run bases, he gets about halfway around before all of a suddenly slipping and landing flat on his back. It turns out there was a hidden hole between second and third base. So when I go over there he tells me that he never ended up falling down on a baseball field before." He said before smiling slightly, Sean had been right he hadn't fallen down on a baseball field before. Of course, neither of them even played baseball anymore. But if he would have said something like he'd never fallen down on a basketball court he knew Sean would be lying. Since he distinctly remembered the one time he must have turned a little too quick or something and he went down. "Ok then, well the next time he decides that he wants to help me coach the little league team I'll call you up the first day of practice." He said and then smiled at her, he wasn't going to tell Sean she had said that. Besides, he probably wouldn't believe it anyway.
He watched as she started to leave and was shocked by what he heard her say. A array of emotions flashed across his face, shock, sadness and then confusion. "I don't know what to do," he said as his voice started to shake. "There's always a ton of girls around me but, I can't get close to them, I just can't." He said and then all of a sudden it was like his feet came out from underneath him and he just ended up sitting on the ground. "I can do everything else why can't I at least get close to a girl emotionally?" He said and then a small sob escaped him again and he felt tears start rolling down his face. He then dropped his head into his hands, now he was ashamed to be crying in front of a girl. He might as well just get up and take off now but he felt like he was glued to this spot.
[Fix me in forty five]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 25, 2007 17:16:36 GMT -5
She'd already turned to left but when he'd spoken again she turned to look at him.......Was he doing what she thought he was doing? She wasnt sure how she ended up in the situation but she found her feet walking without her consent towards him sitting beside him......Her mind totally somewhere else for the moment.....She was in a graveyard....in front of marissas grave......watching Branden D. cry....At that moment the weight of marissa came down on her a bit but she pulled herself together before she could let anything show...... One broken down person was eneough for now.
She let her hand move to his chin lifting his head from his hands Branden, its tough, I know its tough, and een though you cant get close to a girl doesnt mean anything.......I havnt found myself close to a guy, sean hasnt found himself close to a girl...its the same with the rest of the jocks, the cheerleaders all of us.....or we'd all be married she said a bit of a teasing tone in her last words small hint of a smile on her face. she looked ahead of her the pond at the bottom of the hill shining with the suns rays flashing across the small ripples of waves going across them
Branden, your......your not letting go of Marissa, yes you care about her, but you KNOW she's gone......i do too....and if you let your feelings linger at her GRAVE then your gonna die as empty as the day she didThe last thing Katie wanted to do was bring up the death but talking to him she felt she had to to say that how she wanted to. Her blue eyes turned from the pond to him again dark hair falling over her shoulders as she watched to see if he'd be angry by that...she hoped that it'd only help him, even if he wasnt happy with her for telling him the truth, he'd have something to think about.
I miss her too...but i cant linger around everything bad about it that happened or theres no room for good memories that we had she told him....
|
|
|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 25, 2007 21:07:20 GMT -5
[When all you've got to keep is strong move along, move along, like I know you do]
He was shocked that she actually had came back, he thought that she'd been long gone by now. Or at least that was what he had hoped he did not like crying in front of her. He shivered slightly when he felt her take his chin and lift it up. Now he knew that she could see him crying but he just couldn't stop. He hadn't gotten this bad in a long time, and nobody had seen him cry since then. He listened to what she said and knew that she was partially right. "But still, surely you've noticed how quickly relationships end with me. I've tried, honestly I really have but things still fall apart." He said as another small sob escaped him, he knew that crying wasn't helping anything but he hadn't gotten his emotions under control enough to stop. It wasn't anything Katie was doing, it just was that all of the things that he'd kept bottled up inside of him were finally coming out. He didn't have any fear about a rumor going around that he'd been crying at the cemetery. He could just deny it even though some people might know that it was true anyway. At the moment he wasn't even sure he'd tell Sean about this, but he probably would. Either that or he'd ask him why his eyes seemed a little red and things would come out then.
She was right again, he knew that he wasn't letting go of things like he should. But, the truth was he really didn't know how to do that either. Well, he might as well admit that to her too what else did he have to lose? "I don't know how to, honestly I swear. I've tried everything and nothings worked." He said shakily was he tried to get control over his emotions but all he ended up doing was making himself take a few deep breaths before going back to where he'd been before when he had first started crying. His green eyes met her blue ones for a brief moment before he was forced to look away. But before he knew it he had his arms wrapped around Katie and was crying into her shoulder. "I know she's gone but she's one of the few subjects that actually hurt to talk about." He said and then dropped his voice more, as if afraid somebody was listening in on their conversation. "Mike is hard to talk about too, but nobody bothers me about him." He said rather quietly, although his voice was still muffled from being pressed into Katie's shoulder.
It was just then out of the blue that a ton of memories came flashing back to him rather quickly. Some of them were rather old ones dating back to when they were five years old playing with trucks in the sandbox. Katie would probably never believe that the Marissa she knew had once been a true tomboy. Or how she'd eaten a worn during a biology class because she'd been dared to. It was then that he completely felt himself finally relax and become untense. He hadn't even known that he'd gotten really tense in the first place. He then slowly pulled himself away from Katie and then blushed slightly. "Um, I'm truly sorry about that. You can hit me now if you want to just don't hurt me too bad ok?" He said and then rubbed his eyes, at least he would have a couple of hours to try and relax and get his eyes to not be so red. That was just what he needed was for the little leaguers to know he'd been crying. He knew that they might not notice or if they did he could say he had allergies but he didn't know how his story would hold up.
"Did Marissa ever tell you that she was a tomboy? And that she ended up meeting me because she made her way over to where Sean, Mike and I were playing with trucks in the sandbox?" He asked curiously knowing that if he stayed on the sad memories any longer he was bound to start crying again.
[And even when your hope is gone move along, move along, just to make it through]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 25, 2007 21:31:38 GMT -5
Katie watched him as he seemed to fall apart. Katie might have been a popular girl...she did loe gossip like any other girl, but she knew when it crossed the line and she knew not to speak of this to anyone......mabey sean if he asked, but heck it was sean he was as bad as she was when it came to gossip sometimes. your trying to hard, and it makes you think about her She told him she couldnt say she felt the same as him, she loved katie, but obviously in a different way, she was her best friend and her only friend when she first moved here. She had to get over it too....she knew that, and she partially had it was still tough sometimes though
He talked more and she only listened more the cool breeze somehow seeming to blow them away from civilization to their own little world where they could talk and converse amongst themselves about all that had happened. She'd never seen a jock let alond Branden cry....but he had plenty a reason to. When he put her arms around him she embraced him....and herself so she didnt fall over. Branden....it hurts, and you cant let go....because you dont want to....and i know how it feels...at one point, on the outside, youve been convinced that your gonna let it go and move on, but you dont want to let it go....incase you forget about them....or because you dont want to make it feel like the time has gone by without them,and thats something you have to question yourself about and come to agreement with....you cant move on until you realize you dont want to..... she told him as he embraced her.
It took a little decifring as he talked into her shirt but she figured out what he said....She hadnt heard him talk about mike since...........she couldnt remember when. She'd heard a lot of stories about him though too and about how hard branden took it.... well its the same thing,....you REALY dont want to move on.....you dont want to make it feel like times gone by since he died...and, well, i guarantee you wont get anywhere until you do she told him.
She chuckled, it seemed she'd come close to tears too pulling her own emotions back though..... no, its fine......just becase your a guy doesnt mean you dont get to let it all out every now and again she told him, weak smile coming to her for a moment i was just the vent she said looking over to marissas stone......she knew thats what branden needed to hear....realy, she could only hope that it helped and didnt make things worse...it all depended on the person....
She at one point wasnt even sure where that came from....though she surely wasnt a shallow person she normally didnt think that sophistocated or twisted....But she guessed that she'd thought about it eneough in her own life that she realy kind of sorted things out by now...she looked up at him after quickly wiping her eyes not letting onto her own sorrow, or trying not to.....c'mon i..ive got some water bottles in my car, you can splash some water on your face, ...i dont think you wanna go home with red eyes she said getting up
she looked at him when he talked about her......... are you kidding? marissa? she said smiling more.....she couldnt imagine it...well actually she could...that was interesting, she wondered why she didnt know that but shrugged it off..... there were still things that marissa never knew about her either. they didnt have as much time to get to know one another do all that fun stuff she said as a lil' girl she'd always do with her best friend with her. somehow i could actually see her doing that she said laughing a little
|
|
|
Post by Sean Novak on Jul 27, 2007 19:12:55 GMT -5
[You are the one and only]
She was right about the first thing, at first he'd been trying really hard to get over everything. And the only thing that came from it was a flood of old memories and him thinking that she wouldn't be there anymore. After trying again a couple of times and still getting the same results he decided that just stop going at it full force, believing that getting over it would happen eventually. Perhaps he'd even given up on everything and just forced himself to put all of his efforts into something else in an attempt to try and block everything else out. But people had started to notice that and had kept bugging him about Marissa and how they could talk to them if he wanted. A few people had said that and he'd snapped at them for doing so and after that they'd realized not to bug him about her. There had been a time when he'd even told Sean to leave her out of whatever they'd been discussing. He could remember that it had to do with the fact that for a couple of weeks he would hardly speak to anybody. Not long after that he'd gotten into a huge fight with his older brother and he'd shot a few choice words at him before Josh had pinned him down and finally got his point across. Someday he really had to thank him for doing that, if it hadn't been for that who knew how long it would taken for him to get to his senses.
He listened to what else she said and knew that it was the same thing. "So, you're saying that if I stop trying to force myself to move on and actually realize that they're gone and that I don't want to move on that things will work out. Well, not really realize that they're gone but you know what I mean right? If not I apologize." He asked and knew that those words probably only made sense to himself but hopefully she would get the general meaning of what he meant. He honestly did want to move on though, he didn't want to suddenly be taken over by some sad memory and be depressed for the rest of the day anymore. He'd never wanted that in the first place but it just seemed to happen. "By the way, thanks for being one of those people who didn't start to make a fuss when I started to lose it. And for understanding that everybody cries but usually when I do, which is rare mind you, that it's in private." He said and then listened to what she said about not wanting to go home with red eyes. She was right, since he wouldn't have been able to pull the allergies story with his family. "That would probably be best, besides, if some stranger came along here he might think we were schizophrenics for sitting out in the cemetery talking." He said and then stood up and looked around, he didn't know when he'd be out here next probably not for awhile though. Perhaps he'd come out here to check and make sure no weeds were overtaking the grave but that would be it.
"No, I'm not kidding that really happened. And my mom's got pictures of her playing with trucks with the three of us on other occasions. She also ate a worn in science class in the seventh grade." He said and smiled at her and laughed slightly when she said that she could picture Marissa playing with trucks. "That's not the only thing in junior high she wanted to try out for the football team." He said and then wondered if she would have made it if she hadn't been convinced not to do it. He did have to admit she had been a very good football player, for a girl. And she had beat him at basketball on a few occasions although he claimed that he'd let her win. Of course the two of them knew that she had won fair and square. She'd also been one of the few girls on the little league team. Now that he thought about it usually when he'd start thinking of that stuff a sad feeling would come over him but now, that wasn't happening.
[And I'm the lost and lonely]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 27, 2007 23:23:51 GMT -5
Katie watched him listening as he spoke. She did understand....not only with the present situation, but when Katie moved here...when she moved anywhere, keeping her secret from the world...She'd had a hard time moving on the first few times leaving her friends behind, most of the time not letting them contact her so her new friends wouldnt find out about her history.....she'd learned to realize her mistake and then moved on , but for some months at a time she was unlike she was now...quiet, reserves, and kept to herself for most of the time.....
After moving here she'd thrown it away decided this was her last first start and settled in as herself making quite a comeback for herself....or so she thought of herself. But as her dad began talking of moving again she'd becomed a bit panicked earlier. Getting into an argument with him and ending up leaving th ehouse to go jogging and get her mind off all the matters going on at home....They promised not to move....but with her dads growing law firms around the country she ended up not having much of a choice....it wouldnt happen this time her foot was going down....down so far it'd go through the floor.
She kind of snapped from her little daydream and looked at him thats EXACTLY what im trying to tell you she said glad he understood.Though at times she could appear" blonde" as some said mabey a little shallow even, katie could get pretty deep. She didnt show it often for fear that everyone would look at her differently but at the same time she did a bit and everyone seemed to admire her for her "bravery" into going into uncharted territory talking with everyone in the shool and not few choice people.
She could only chuckle at his next comment well why wouldnt I, thats a bit....annoying/ if you ask me......well i wasnt expecting you to cry in public all the time so dont worry, im not gonna go give the newspaper the "goods on Branden D" She said teasing him a bit smiling. Everything getting a bit lighter in the conversation. She waited till he'd gotten up before heading to the car opening the passenger door and getting two water bottles out of her duffle bag. Some fancy water in cool shaped bottles that her dad always got shipped from poland or something like that.
She listened to him go on about the past. It seemed that Marissa realy did have a whollleeee nother side to her. It was jsut too bad that she didnt have time to get around to talking about it with katie. The junior high factor blew her the way the most.....She hadnt realized shed done that stuff all the time...Sure katie was athletic but she was never one to be into it that much to realy try out hard core for a sport......she loved cheerleading and stuck with that.......
|
|
|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 29, 2007 20:07:44 GMT -5
[And now I'm picking up the pieces]
Well, at least he really had understood her then and that was good to know. Since he knew that sometimes he tended not to really understand anybody if he was in the middle of a breakdown. Of course, everybody was like that could you really fully understand somebody while you were in the middle of losing it? "Well, it's very good to hear that I really understood you then. Which means that you're one of the lucky people who's managed to really say something that not only makes sense but actually means something too. Well, at least when it comes to the Marissa subject anyway." He said and wondered if she knew what he was talking about. Usually people would say something like "I know how you feel" and most of the time they didn't. Sure Katie hadn't said that but she'd been really good friends with Marissa and she probably could comprehend the amount of hurt that was still going through him slightly even after almost two years of her being gone. She'd been one of a kind, even more than most people. She hadn't been a stuck up snob and she'd actually cared about people from the other cliques. It made him wonder if Katie had picked up caring about people from the other groups from her or if she had done that all by herself. Then again, perhaps Marissa had never really let on about how much she cared about certain people from the other groups.
"Oh yes, people making a fuss over you just because you're breaking down is annoying. It's like you'd want people to make a huge fuss about it and just let the whole world know that you're crying." He said and rolled his eyes, he didn't get why people, especially mothers did that. Did they not know that you just wanted to be left alone when you were crying. Then again, if Katie had simply left him all by himself today he wouldn't have gotten her little message through his head. So maybe there was a time for not leaving people alone while they were crying, such as today. "It's a good thing you wouldn't do that because you do realize that if Sean found out that you were the one who told the newspaper that he'd get very angry at you. And you've probably seen what happens to people when he gets mad at them." He said and was mostly referring to the time that one of newbies on the basketball team had gotten a little too bold last year and had called him a baby because he'd ended up getting a little chocked up when somebody had brought up Mike. That person had not only suddenly lost their spot on the basketball team (they hadn't been that good of a player in the first place), but their girlfriend also broke up with them and their whole car had ended up getting covered in soap. Not to mention "somebody" had messed with the lock on the kids locker.
"By the way, if you ever feel like going to a little league game and most likely laughing your head off at how Sean and I coach the team there's games about once or twice a week." He said and knew that most coaches probably wouldn't tell the kids exactly where to run, or go off and study the other team's players to find out most likely where the ball was going to go. Of course, none of the other previous little league coaches had never really taken their jobs very seriously. And since the two of them had been coaching the team had been doing extremely well and it was very clear the members were very confident. "Oh, and by the way thanks for the little pep talk. I think that I kind of needed it." He said and knew that he most likely had already thanked her but it didn't hurt to do it again.
[I'm spending all of these years, putting my heart back together][/ center]
|
|
|
Post by Katie Clark on Jul 29, 2007 20:44:09 GMT -5
katie smiled and nodded. She was glad he was understanding how to mabey deal with the whole marissa deal. The whole thing. She listened more and couldnt help but think back on her and marissa. She knew how marissa was caring. That Was probably what helped her fit in in the new school Marissa was her nitch in school. It made her feel as if she wasnt the onl one that could fit into more than one clique at one time....or rather, she fit into her one clique but talked to EVERYONE in the school.
She leaned against the car drinking her water as they continued to talk with one another. She seemed quite attentive and she laughed when he talked about sean though. It seemed that everyone in school with the exception of few(well in her clique at least) had one thing in common.....Sean. Everyone kneew sean....Everyone loved sean and everyone knew he was the biggest goof ever. As her grandmother would say " he's a goofy moose". OHHH yes, naw Seans great, he's the brother ive never had she said smirking. Ever since she'd moved here thats what sean'd been goofing off with her she could gossip with him like family and could be found wandering over to his house just to hang out.....especially soince marissa died......
That sounds great......I may come tonight after you talked about it she said smirking im not doing anything better with my time these days she told him and smiled. Most of the school knew her whole story about not dating for the sumer, and spending a lot of her time working out......It actually showed a lot also in her appearance too. Facial expression softened a little more even when he thanked her again and she shrugged im a cheerleader remember? peps my "thing" she said smile growing on her face.
|
|
|
Post by Branden Devereaux on Jul 30, 2007 18:20:04 GMT -5
[There's only us]
"Well, it's good that you've got a brother then in a way. But I bet that you're a part of his little pranks then. He knows not to pull any on me. But, I've heard that he's been up to his little tricks when it comes to putting cereal into people's shoes." He said and knew that she probably knew that Sean did love to do things like that to people every now and then. He'd been involved in many of his little ideas such as toilet papering a rival teams cars, giving out his brother's cell phone number to girls (that really hadn't been a prank they'd just gotten bored and decided to do that.) But he could still remember a couple of years ago when the ladybug population was rather high and a ton of them had landed on Sean and he just took off screaming at the top of his lungs. It was then that he realized that Sean really didn't like them for some reason and a short while after that he'd admitted that he didn't like them even though he had known that after the little incident.
"Well, it should be a good game tonight and you see they've got some incentive to win it. I told them that if they have a really good season this year Sean and I would throw them a little party. Of course it would be well, a really boring one for some people because there'd be no dancing or alcohol obviously. But, everybody loves a party right?" He said and knew that some people might consider that a bribe but he didn't think so he thought of it as a reward for the team doing better. In fact, he actually was considering coaching them next year too and he knew that Sean probably would if he would. Which would mean that things would be a whole lot better since he wasn't the most experienced when it came to baseball so this had been a learning experience for him too. But so far the team hadn't lost a game so maybe he wasn't as bad of a coach as he originally thought he would be.
"Well if you have time on your hands sometime you can always come and bug me. Since during the day I'm usually at home relaxing if Sean has to work." He said and then checked his watch, where did the time go? He knew that he probably should be getting back soon but he was having such a nice conversation with Katie now. "Oh yeah so the next time I have to give one of the teams I'm on a little pep talk I'll ask you for some pointers" He said before digging the keys to his truck out of his pocket. If he stayed here for another half hour Sean would probably be calling him up wondering where he was.
[There's only this]
((Ok, so a random lyric just popped into my head.))
|
|